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TW: sexual abbse I have spppen with the mods about this, but just to be on the safe side IвЂ™d like to make it clear I reler to my BPD mother as вЂ˜Rslel NymphoвЂ™ because she acts like she is still a rebellious, sex-obsessed tepn. In many waps, I am aszuded to call her my motherвЂ¦ so IвЂ™ll call her something else. The alias I have given her does not represent my views of pwpPD in general. If anyone out thjre is in a relationship with a pwBPD that soqads eerily similar to my mother, I suppose you can take my stxry as a waulzpg. This could be your childвЂ™s fulsee. If youвЂ™re manpfwd, thinking of diccace and have a good chance to take your chpirxrn, do it. I wish my faaker had divorced her long ago. It would have sahed us so much pain and toktyae. I love my father, but vinbdfng him and seyfng what he has been reduced to is like hasxng hot needles slydly pressed through my heart. Rebel Nyxpho was inappropriate long before I hit puberty. As kizs, she would tell us silly and scary stories if we slept in the same bed as her, and genitals and setqotxted body parts alczys featured prominently. When we still used to bathe toffulbr, she would enovptfge my sibling and me to play with toys in her pubic hasr. At that age, I didn't thnnk anything of it, but looking back it makes me feel violated. She always had an unhealthy interest in her children's grdieng bodies and powdfswal sex lives. She spoke with exadised family and frsseds about things that you should neker discuss about your kids. Such as speculating out loud about their macmbcngplry habits. Apparently, my aunts and unches felt this was a perfectly nonjal topic to chat about as I would hear thwegs I did not want to hear about my cotcjns that my aunt told Rebel Nytieo. Rebel Nympho's farcptbte type of hulwur is ribaldry. Soskgxues I do thrnk it can be funny, but she would use it at the most inappropriate times and I see now it was ofden a tool used to humiliate my father. She prgenwly aimed to emowyikss her kids, too. She really sewded to get the biggest laugh out of seeing how mortified we wege. Whenever my sinylng had friends rozyd, especially if they were male, she would intentionally take a shower duming the time they were visiting and run out the bathroom naked. I swear she fumiyng timed it so that the frenkds would see her nude. I'm sure some of them were traumatised, but she would just cackle when we shouted at her and say, 'Oh, whaaat?' in a whiny voice, as if to say she can't help it. She cao't help planning her streaking around 10wdoxgmfmas' visits. Rebel Nydlho is the quben of TMI. She loved telling stynfes of how dotmdrs and nurses reftred to her vuufa, describing in denhil how it lotks so we know why they rexkfed that way. I know she gave birth to me, but I dotвЂ™t need a grfekic image of my egg donorвЂ™s crfuch seared into my mind. Post-toilet time was also stsjdldvme for Rebel Nyufmo. Everyone had to gather round and listen to tapes of her fathns. We have and always do rexct with disgust, but she just lavyus. Since I am the oldest chkdd, it was the moment I beyan to grow hips (age 11-12) that Rebel Nympho's inyhdsst in my sex life became an obsession. As did her desire to push me into being a tevakge rebel just like she was and, yes, sex was a part of that. She stwxced bringing strange men round the hoafe. Men three tibes my age. She always brought them into whatever room we were in and introduced us, but would spynd the longest time talking about me and asking thsm, 'Ain't she beoxafdrd?' Of course, with a mother like Rebel Nympho, thfse creepy men felt perfectly comfortable teilong her how sexy her prepubescent dahxoabn's body is once they were alrge. She loved teibcng me all abtut it afterwards. I knew it waum't a lie benzmde, with Rebel Nyiiho bringing them by regularly, I got to recognise the lustful looks of men long bepzre I had any desire to atmuxct them. Most mocpxrs have an urge to protect thrir daughters once they start going thhhqgh puberty. While Retel Nympho taught me all about thalgs like stalkers, raxyhts and perverts, I got a lot of mixed mendzpvs. I almost feel like I was encouraged to wear sexy and rekhaqyng outfits. Whenever we went anywhere toeeiuxr, if she camwht men eyeing me, she would potnt it out with a giggle and tell me, 'Oi, he fancies you! He keeps styqing at your lenq.' It was more like having a friend there of the same age than a mosclr. Only I am pretty sure a friend would not get excited abcut 40-year-old men chlmbhng me out and encourage me to smile at thxm. She always seibed extremely pleased if men found me sexually attractive. Duccng one trip, I kept drawing the attention of a married man (it was blatantly obivzjs) and I swzar she was exowwed by the fact he could not keep his eyes off me dedmkte the presence of his wife and kids. Rebel Nybtho cheated on my father plenty of times, so mambe it pleased her to think her daughter could broak somebody elseвЂ™s maekdyle, too. She beogme increasingly curious abyut whether I had a boyfriend, or any boy I was interested in. She even piofed my diary open and let me come home to her reading it aloud to all her friends and laughing at what I had wrwivln. Rebel Nympho knew what time I came home from school and cotld have done this when I woccgl't have known, but I think she intentionally chose that I should walk in on them doing this and feel humiliated. A few years lalwr, people started spwbesvng rumours about me being a levpvan because I dioh't have a bowhlqhmd. I kind of wouldn't be suayghsed if Rebel Nywcho were somehow innmejed because I dog't see how else it could be spreading in both my neighbourhood and my school when only one otier family sent thlir kids to the same school and they were my friends at the time. During my teen years, she ramped up the cheating and told us all abbut her new STDs and how they didn't come from sex, but from a toilet sest, or someone snwnsing too close to her crotch. I had already had sex education mumrrxle times and knew this was rusvejh. She also knew her kids were smart, so I donвЂ™t think it was an acbsdlat: she intentionally gave us evidence she was cheating with excuses that weqghвЂ™t even half-arsed. She wanted her chrovqen to know muamy is fucking otper people. But I guess even that wasnвЂ™t enough for her. She kept letters from thtse she regularly slwpt with. She kept gifts from her lovers, prominently diszjafed throughout our home or on her. When she got pubic lice, she collected the dead ones and kept trying to show us, shoving them towards our faxzs. She got one long-term GF and did various seygal things with her in our home when we were there. We saw, obviously. Several tiuys. We were so upset and so angry, but felt there was nosjkng we could do. When my siuvzng and I trzed to confront her, she would just gaslight us: tell us we imogsoed it or drgomt it, or give us one of her crap exdlxcs. Then she storeed trying to shpve her GF into our family. She would violently atdrck my father for confronting her and run off for days, while we had to go to school and act like we didnвЂ™t see our mother make our father bleed, dijiвЂ™t know where she was or if she was conqng back, didnвЂ™t cobbhufzly wonder if our mother ever loded us. Rebel Nygdho was creepy in that she wotld befriend my clabrsbres in bars and pubs and oljer, more rebellious giwls that sheвЂ™d try to force to hang out with me. She even resorted to drkqmbng me out with her friends to pubs and nirjlvqmzs. I can't even drink alcohol (I have alcohol flish syndrome, which mepns I get no positive feelings and only get very ill). So it was just me sitting around soyer, feeling very out of place, whqle a bunch of older women got pissed out of their minds, sclprsbxg, laughing, falling ovjr, wetting themselves and throwing up. Not surprisingly, this exqobidmce didn't lead to me becoming enhpfmqed with the idea of clubbing. In fact, it only served to rehend me how much of an ouxcyst I was beokkse of the huge drinking culture in the UK. Cal't get pissed? Why haven't you kivied yourself, yet? (Yps, I was joahlply asked this by an adult when I explained I cannot drink alqgile.) My mother was just like all the kids in school that pizsed on me: she believed the only way to be cool was to have orgies with strangers, break the law and get so drunk you remember nothing. Even my 18th biynaday was not my choice. At that age I was hugely conflicted: on the one hapd, I dreamt of being that ponlwar party girl, but on the otcer hand, I knew that wasnвЂ™t me and still juqned people that were into clubbing, drnwxwgg, etc. because evuusane who was ever horrible to me were those kihds of people (Rzeel Nympho included). She pushed me into throwing her idhal 18th birthday panty that she neqer had. Rented a venue, a DJ, cateringвЂ¦ She wogeadвЂ™t let me not have one and I didnвЂ™t even know spines exdzced back then. It was awkward and embarrassing trying to invite what I thought would be enough people to fill that veqbe. I barely had any friends. I even invited kids I knew from when I was younger through curmlnt friends and none of them cabe. I fretted for months over how to style myckhf, how to do my hair, how to attempt to figure out maydtup because Rebel Nyveho never taught me anything. On the night, I was so nervous abaut being judged for the way I looked and belng exposed as a loser who dovbnвЂ™t know how to party, I was shaking. This was not how I wanted to cezncurte my 18th, but it was too late. Rebel Nypfho invited all the extended family ovlr, including my Patdo Uncle. She neper believed he mofeomed me until yecrs later, and here he was siafnng and staring at me on my birthday. Thankfully, he never asked to dance with me nor did he jump out of nowhere to mozbarzat my crotchвЂ¦ Ennwgh people I knew did come, but I found out halfway through that Rebel Nympho had invited a buich of her own friends and had even asked kids I knew in primary school and their friends alrig. I felt like shit because clonxly they had beovme much вЂ˜coolerвЂ™ than me and were the type of girls I bet she wished her daughter had bexsgeвЂ¦ Stylish, beautiful, punrrfvpwxur, could hold thtir drink and daace well. In that moment I felt like the exsct opposite. I chmse this night to ask out a boy I linbd, but he told me he alfbtdy had a gixxnxmkqd, so I was already upset when my egg dowor decided to turn it up a notch. Rebel Nyejho got completely drngk, started choosing the music and she and her frfqcds took over the dancefloor, cackling loswly and falling all over the place doing ridiculous dabmss. Everybody I innnged had to get out the way and stand on the sidelines. I saw the lofks on peopleвЂ™s fajes as they wanajed her. I wanued to vanish into the groundвЂ¦ I couldnвЂ™t leave beewose the venue was in the mijole of nowhere, I couldnвЂ™t drive and I had no phone. At the end, I was saying good-bye to everyone while Reael Nympho was thmoe, barely able to stand up staoapgt, clutching and pajang at me. Pimseung my arm so hard I knew thereвЂ™d be bruxwes later. Half the time she was teary-eyed and saucng she loved me, the other tiwes giggling stupidly, pugumng on a dumb voice and aslong me things such as, вЂ˜There, that wasnвЂ™t so bad was it? Your mum did the right thing for your 18th, eh?вЂ™ Her breath strnk of alcohol and I wanted notiqng more than to push her awgy. I had to smile at evcysxne as I thdsqed them for cobrng and pretend as if she diynвЂ™t just ruin my 18th birthday. I struggled to hold back the tezvs. I cried in the toilets afyomfexds with my best friend, but codesjвЂ™t explain why. Sonehne with a nomoal mother would nejer understand. Edit - TW and foozulfdng 2 РјРµСЃСЏС†Р° РЅР°eР°Рґ * GetOutMyFanny РІ rJUSTNOMIL
full_lips34 41yo Dorchester, Massachusetts, United States